When a marriage is in trouble, one of the most commonly heard suggestions is that the couple should seek marriage counseling. Marriage counseling does have its advantages, and for many couples it is an invaluable conduit for developing an open and honest channel of communication to resolve the differences that lie at the foundation of any marital difficulties. However, it is all too often just assumed that every couple should seek marriage counseling at the first sign of trouble. Seldom does anyone ask what seems to be a basic question: does marriage counseling work for everyone? And if it doesn't, how can you tell whether it is worth the time and money in your particular case? To fully answer that question, it is best to first ask another: does marriage counseling work at all? The answer to that question varies depending upon whom you ask, but the general consensus among those who have sought counseling and responded to surveys is that it does. Of course, that affirmative answer is dependent upon a number of factors. In general, marriage counseling does work when both partners are committed to saving the union; it fails when one partner has already given up on the marriage and is unwilling or unable to engage fully in the counseling process. In effect then, most experts agree that marriage counseling does work, but it has its limitations.

The primary limitations, of course, are the motivations of each of the spouses participating in the counseling. Does marriage counseling work when one spouse seeks only to change the other's behavior? Of course it doesn't. To be effective, each of the partners must be focused on the marriage as a whole, and upon changing their attitudes and behaviors both toward their spouse and their relationship. An individual who is committed only to achieving harmony on his or her terms is not a committed participant, and may as well not attend counseling sessions. It is clear then the answer to our first question-does marriage counseling work for everyone-has to be answered in the negative.

In cases where one partner refuses to participate in an open and honest way, the other partner is left to pull the weight of reconciliation on his or her own. Fortunately, couples counseling is available for individual partners, as well as alternative counseling programs that can help one partner at a time reconnect with their own priorities within the marriage relationship, which will enable them to focus more clearly on the needs of their partner. One such alternative program is the "his and her" program created by Dr. Ellen Kreidman, the noted therapist and author who has been featured on Oprah, the Today Show, and the New York Times. Her dual programs, Light His Fire and Light Her Fire, have been credited by thousands of couples with helping them to save their marriage and reignite the love and passion within their marriage. To find out more about this program, visit http://www.marriagecounselingalternative.com.

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